This was truly a random yoab-like adventure, and it all started with random text messages and talks about the drink of choice of many young sexy ladies, i am talking about a margarita if you don't know what a margarita is do yourself a favor and get your fatass off your couch and head to your local mexican grill place and order one...and even though they look very gay they are also very delicious...damn..i want one now...i think imma go get one actually...perhaps...so anywho the original plan was to get margaritas at Caesar's and pretty much get wasted and rage...cuz you know thats what happens when margaritas are consumed ...people rage...so then as im driving i get two text messages at the same time asking me to pick them up...so i know they planned dat shit ...so anywho i pick up my homie bere first and then i pick up the CBB. so we go to some wing place in the south side idk what it was called so lets call it south-side wing place......so on the way to the south-side wing place we're just chit chatting about random shit and whatnot and then im parking and as i'm parking the dude infront of me asked me if i was chinese? ...so i reply "nah dude im mexican" i honestly don't know why he would think i was chinese cuz i think im the least chinese looking person but i was asked if i was chinese nonetheless.
after confirming my un-chineseness we sat outside and got some drinks...i didn't eat cuz i had just stuffed myself with tacos at home but the girls devoured some wings lol i had 3 cold ass guinness drafts...my fave beer mmmh guinness CBB had like 10 vodka lemonades and bere had some miller lites and then we ordered a pitcher...so then i check fb and i noticed that the CBB BLATANTLY left me out of the status which said"im on a date with bere" so i commented..umm...im here too you fucken assholes...i was gonna buy a round of shots" so then after talking about how the CBB is a douchebag for doing that we started talking about photobooths and how i've never been in a photobooth...ive been at the one at chuck e. cheese but that doesnt count....i have never taken one with a girl or friends or w.e so bere mentioned that Skylark had a photobooth so we decided to go there...i referred to it as the birdbar bc i forgot the name of it ..all i know is that the name had an avian connection...just didn't know which bird...so we get there and holy fuck its like hipster mecca...im talking about full on ironic beards, v-necks, the works...it was only a matter of minutes before the CBB mentions that i look like a hipster and to my demise..it was true...i fit right in and i looked just like them....except i didnt have a v-neck but i love v-necks...so the girls wanted shots and the shot of choice was the all douchebaggy jagger bomb...i knew ordering that at the hipster bar was gonna go bad but i did it anyway fuck it why not....so the conversation goes like this...oh btw there was a dude reading his fucking sound acoustics book at the bar while eating fucken tater-tots....really? wow...
so the ordering of the shots went like this: me - pardon me Mr. mixologist, but would you be kind enough to prepare 3 bombs of jagger for my friends and i?
him -".......we.....don't..do THOSE here"
me - "fuck i knew it...oh well..lemme get 3 shots of jameson"
him - "will do kind sir, thank you for keeping the hipster way at this establishment"
me -"yeah yeah yeah...ok"
so we down those big ass shots and they were big ass fuck...so we ordered chasers first bc CBB was being a baby..so gin and tonic for them and alpha king for me...we take the shots and drink our dranks...and at this moment we are fucken gone already.....i forgot to mention that there was a live "band" playing...and i say band because honestly these guys sucked fucken big foots dick...im all for live music but honestly that shit sucked so much...it sounded like kskdfnsdkfhs98dfsklfns!! sdklfsdifnkndf!!! just like that....it was free form..so everyone was just improvising their parts they had a cello player..this motherfucker was not playing shit lol he was just moving his head like he was having an acid trip and honestly their music sounded like i was tripping on shrooms...so then they had a keyboard guy a guitar guy and a drummer...the drummer was ok...but the main dude was the keyboard dude...he was using every effect that his 1980's korg synthesizer had...like for real...so as time passed and we got even more drunk..we realized that the music was getting better lol so we talked about a lot of things i caught up with bere..and shes doing awesome things and shes moving to springfield for a job which is awesome...i told her about how im doing random ass things and taking random ass classes like fencing lol and dat life is really good right now..so we're about to leave and the make me chug their drinks...i chugged my alpha king...bere's newcastle? or something i forgot and CBB's gin and tonic....let me just stop here and say that, that was the dumbest shit they couldve done bc wtf? im the driver!! lol so as we are leaving i remember that the only reason we went there was bc of the photobooth...so we go back and realize that the photobooth is right behind the cello guy...being the non hipster assholes that we are we just waltzed right in and the cello guy was like "we're done in 10 minutes you guys cant wait? fucken assholes" so we get to the photobooth and it doesnt fucken work lol..we got treated...so the girls leave the booth and i go last and the guy says "fucked asshole" so i say"man fuck you dude your music is fucken shitty as fuck anyway...fuck u" so we leave ....we walked with bere to her place and im not gonna lie it was farther than i thought lol so on the walk back CBB and i are stumbling..so we get to my car and i drop her off and then i start driving to my house i stop at white castle fall asleep on the drive thru...spill BBQ sauce on my white shirt and get a text from the CBB to pick her up bc she doesnt wanna be home...thinking its something bad. i drive AAALLL the way from the northside to the southside ....just to call and find out the phone is dead...so i drive back home...i honestly dont remember driving back at all...i just remember waking up in my couch...that was an awesome monday night but i woke up with the shittiest hang over in a while
tuesday i dont think i did shit i cant remember so lets skip to wednesday
wednesday was our margarita night, and i had been looking forward to it all day lol so i was texting the most interesting man in the world's son, bere, kels, other girls and the CBB...
so nobody is fucken replying and im getting all pissed and shit...i had a job interview and well the interview went amazing. honestly, i'm the shit when it comes to interviews i'm amazing at selling myself to the employer lol ..after having some questions about work and impressing them with my repertoire and skills and whatnot they said "O M G...you seriously are too awesome to not hire" and i replied "aiite ..get off my nuts" lol jk that convo did not happen but i seriously felt like that's what it was happening..so after my interview i go and get a haircut and i got a mullet lol...yes i got a mullet ...so then i go to my bro's crib bought some brews and i beat him 7-0 however he will not admit his defeat and since he's really good no one believes that i beat him...but i swear to the flying spaghetti monster that i did in fact beat that fat motherfucker at FIFA 10 ..... so after my plans fell through i was pretty upset and bored, we were watching the MLS all-star VS Manchester United game...it was chicharito's first game with ManU and all the mexicans were excited lol so i fell asleep watching the game and then the CBB called me and said that she was down to go and needed to drink so i picked up kels and we head to lalos and start downing margaritas...i got pretty tipsy and i was looking all good with my mullet and my black slacks and my red tucked in polo lol i looked like i had just stepped out of my job at the office....btw i don't have a job therefore i don't work in an office. so after being drunk and whatnot i met this girls wendy, and she is cute as hell, has the cutest smile, the cutest voice, the cutest lil face, and play with her hair ...cute..lol so me having my drunken dancing skills i decide to dance with her ...so we're getting down to bachata and im not gonna lie but i was snapping i was doing turns spinning like a motherfucken top and wendy thought i was a great dancer so fuck motherfucken yeah lol so as we're dancing i noticed that these older ladies are eye fucking the shit outta me, so i tell wendy and she looks and confirms the fact that the old ladies are indeed eye fucking me lol so after everything the CBB, kels and wendy decide to go to evil olive but they all fell asleep except wendy so i dropped everyone off except wendy lol and we went back to my place..and just cuddled... i know you're expecting some crazy porno sex but ...we cuddled.....and wendy is the best freaken cuddle buddy....point of information here...but i had not slept in my own bed for like idk..5 months or so...or however long its been...but...i went to my bed and it was so freaking comfortable...and all thanks to wendy ...so we wake up and i take her home ...and we've been talking and hanging out since...and imma clean my room lol so that wendy comes over more lol....
No comments:
Post a Comment